Questioning my need
to know the answers

Relaxing into what is truly happening

Drifting gracefully deeper

Letting the story of self
die in the mind

and yet…

I am still here

noticing..

that I am still alive

feeling better
for letting go

releasing the need
to hang on

To FEAR

Up in the air
Unwinding
in the familiar place
that is new

Waiting
wondering
wanting to feel you in my arms

tell me you are thinking of me
the way I am thinking of you

tell me that I’m not alone
in this feeling of wondering
and wanting to be home

In this new delightful place
with you
in my arms

I can offer you nothing
to soothe your wounded heart

In death
there is nothing to get
nothing to give
or forgive
it isn’t about you
or even about them
or us
it’s about

no one

no one being home anymore
no one to send an email
or pick up the phone
silence on the other side

they are gone
forever transformed
into eternity
this is the way
in death

So please don’t be upset
that I can offer you nothing

other than what is left
the mourning
the grief
the time
for remembering
and forgetting

There are no religious fairy tales
that can offer an answer
they are all used up
and aren’t true

what has happened
is permanent
and in this
there is
no hope

but there is a feeling
that can be shared and felt
all the way to the bones
a subtle letting go

and perhaps a deeper
appreciation for what still is
this aliveness, that is here
the aliveness, that they were
and the aliveness, that they are not

they are now just a feeling
a fading memory
drifting farther away
with each passing day
becoming the dirt
becoming the grass
becoming the air
becoming another transformative breath
of life

ahhh… this sweet breath of life…

I could fall in love with you
those words just fell out of my mouth
with a desire to express the energy I feel when I’m with you

It wasn’t easy to say
For a moment
Until they came out
Then it was really easy
A feeling of opening happened
A trusting of love

I can’t control if you will or won’t reciprocate
Whether you are interested or willing
Not knowing if you are worthy or if you think I am
Trusting that I don’t know if I can trust you
I say it anyway
And I mean it

You said I might be the next bull in your China shop
Are you really that fragile?
Or are you protecting something even more delicate than fine bone China?
What could that be?
Your heart?
A story?
The truth?
A lie?

It doesn’t matter
To me
This me that you are trying to figure out
I don’t care who I am
It doesn’t matter
Because I’m still here as I am

Feeling your heart close to mine
Seems to matter in a way that other things haven’t
In a long time

I’d say that it’s scary
But I’d be lying to myself and to you
It feels fantastic!
As I fall asleep with the warm glow of you in my heart
Feeling genuinely alive

Dancing in the formless
Weaving to and fro
Souls colliding

Effortlessly doing the heavy lifting together
Easily the words float
From far away

Into inner space
Transforming desire
Magical passion

Life’s sweet ephemeral joy appearing for a moment
Suspending between dimensions
deep and wide
sinking to a place
That has no time

Feeling moved to move

… Come float my way

And play with words and silence.

It just happened
Two people who gave up on giving
Tired of trying
Tried of lying

Feeling warm tender glow within
Radiating outward
Comfortable in our skin
Telling the truth
Aspects of ourselves connected
Aligning and dancing into joys night

Wholeness and wholeness
Equaling divine loving energy

Complete in the moment
Not asking for permission
Not making demands
Nothing to get
An outpouring of love
Refreshing and alive

Letting go into the tender place that isn’t felt enough
Stillness and calm wash over me

I see the ache in my heart gently drift away
Dissolving with you in my arms

I confess to a spot of glee
It was a moth on the wall
I smacked it quick
It fell upside down
Kicked under the baseboard
There was a feeling of completion in doing it
Finalizing the life of someone else
How much punctuation is there in that?
There is no further grammatical correction needed
It is just death
Period

Open Eyes
just in time to see a golden leaf
float to the ground

Open Eyes
into the darkness
behind the veil of eyelid

Open Ears
to hear the meditation bell sound
at the end of another sitting

Open Ears
to hear the teacher speak the words
that sink the deepest

Open Senses
aware that the one who is watching
may not be looking

Open Senses
to the truth that this intense feeling
is not real

Open Mind
to discover that it is so noisy in here
that there is nothing to hear

Open Mind
to the possibility of allowing no mind
to spontaneously occur

Open Heart
beating, glowing, feeling
expanding with each breath

Open Heart
allowing energy from the chest
to pour through the arms
and out into the world

I’m trying to remember what felt so incredibly crucial
just a moment ago

I can’t recall specifically
But I have a feeling of what it was

Gripped with panic
Wrought with fear

Feeling harnessed to troubled thoughts
Mean spirited faces swirl around inside

Struggling for survival
Struggling for personality
Living a life of endless shame and mistakes
I defend my identity from imminent destruction

Can’t seem to get away from the judgments and inner accusations

Then I remember

Breathing
Shifting
Dissolving
Letting go

Illusions just fade away

When you walk into the room I feel you from afar
I try not to stare and show that I feel your warmth
It is pointless to hide since everyone can tell.
There is a way of communication on many levels
A quite tone of understanding and care
I think about it when I am alone
And wonder if I will experience it with you
Do you feel what I feel in your own way?
Or am I alone in this feeling?
I don’t think so I know what I know and trust it.