I can offer you nothing
to soothe your wounded heart

In death
there is nothing to get
nothing to give
or forgive
it isn’t about you
or even about them
or us
it’s about

no one

no one being home anymore
no one to send an email
or pick up the phone
silence on the other side

they are gone
forever transformed
into eternity
this is the way
in death

So please don’t be upset
that I can offer you nothing

other than what is left
the mourning
the grief
the time
for remembering
and forgetting

There are no religious fairy tales
that can offer an answer
they are all used up
and aren’t true

what has happened
is permanent
and in this
there is
no hope

but there is a feeling
that can be shared and felt
all the way to the bones
a subtle letting go

and perhaps a deeper
appreciation for what still is
this aliveness, that is here
the aliveness, that they were
and the aliveness, that they are not

they are now just a feeling
a fading memory
drifting farther away
with each passing day
becoming the dirt
becoming the grass
becoming the air
becoming another transformative breath
of life

ahhh… this sweet breath of life…

Softly I speak to you
In my heart
You’re not here
But you’re here
Losing confidence in my ability to maintain perspective
I arrive at a new understanding of not knowing
Completely liberated from certainty
Or at least the momentary suspension of the concept
My ability to regain clarity from a state of confusion seems infinite
Which leads me to believe that perhaps there is infinite clarity everywhere
Waiting patiently all the time, timelessly
Just on the other side of the imagined other side
Whatever form that may take
It’s a great reassurance to know that in not knowing there is knowing
Clearly this is an advantage
To winning
The game
With no rules
The one where no one gets hurt

I wish

I could fall in love with you
those words just fell out of my mouth
with a desire to express the energy I feel when I’m with you

It wasn’t easy to say
For a moment
Until they came out
Then it was really easy
A feeling of opening happened
A trusting of love

I can’t control if you will or won’t reciprocate
Whether you are interested or willing
Not knowing if you are worthy or if you think I am
Trusting that I don’t know if I can trust you
I say it anyway
And I mean it

You said I might be the next bull in your China shop
Are you really that fragile?
Or are you protecting something even more delicate than fine bone China?
What could that be?
Your heart?
A story?
The truth?
A lie?

It doesn’t matter
To me
This me that you are trying to figure out
I don’t care who I am
It doesn’t matter
Because I’m still here as I am

Feeling your heart close to mine
Seems to matter in a way that other things haven’t
In a long time

I’d say that it’s scary
But I’d be lying to myself and to you
It feels fantastic!
As I fall asleep with the warm glow of you in my heart
Feeling genuinely alive

Give me some hope and I’ll hand you a rope
You can throw it over a tree limb and see if it is strong enough
To hold the weight of a grown man
If it is you can tie a noose knot on one end and make sure it won’t come loose
Once you’ve done this
Imagine a man named
Hope

This man isn’t your friend in fact he is a murderer
He has been killing the precious and most dear
Moments of your life as long as you can remember
So now it’s time for him to get what he deserves
What has been coming to him
His karmic debt to the universe must be paid
Now is the time
For Hope to die

He never did any good for
He kept making you believe that things would be different
He kept making you believe that people would be different
Who was responsible for all this misery and loss?
Hope

So fix the rope around his neck and cinch it good and tight
While he sits on top a horse grab yourself a riding crop
Say your last good byes and listen to his final words
Then he will surely say to you

I am you, you are me, we are one in the same
When you kill me you kill yourself
Everything I have done to you, you have done to you
There is no point to kill for I am dead already
In fact I was never born because I have always been you already

So here we are the condemned and the executioner
In this time of death
Together
Apart
We both know that Hope must die
So be done with it
Send me to my death and choose to live once more!

Seeing things as they truly are, all the time and being able to speak about it.

I let myself dissolve into a morning dew
A drop on a leaf welling up growing bigger and heavier
The leaf droops down further nearly touching the ground
Awareness, expanding, growing, breathing, forming new limits
Expanding, contracting, moving inward and outward
Pulsating droplet ready to fall, ready to be swallowed by the ground
Falling, falling, deeper, deeper,
The bubble drops, explodes and goes back to the life energy from where it came
Disappearing into the microcosmic void, a mere droplet
Dew, how I love you!
Shining bright, reflecting light, glistening in the sun
A jewel radiant and transparent filled with space and light
There are an endless number of these
Yet none are the same
What magnificence to behold!
To witness just one, of the one, as one
No matter the number it still comes back to one and only one
There is still time to see the droplet fall
Hanging onto the texture of the leaf by the pressure of atmosphere
The very molecules of its presence
This tiny bead is made up of all existence
Inside and outside it makes on difference to see which one
This drop is, there is nothing to know about it
To identify with a droplet may seem absurd
Though no more absurd then to be attached to any inanimate or animate object
These “things” we value are a trick we play on each other
Making it more difficult to see that there is no value that we do not create
How liberating to see the bondage to Thingism
To look toward a single drop of water on a tender green leaf
To see the glory and grace of all this that there is
As it is, as life, before, below and above, meeting as one
In this golden misty morning

Some people collect stamps
Some people collect vintage cars
Some people collect old rugs
Some people collect modern art
Some people collect Royal Doulton china

Some people collect little silver tea spoons,
With places they’ve visited enameled to the handles on tiny plaques
Some people even collect dead bugs

But me, I’m different
I collect people with personality disorders
Borderline
Narcissistic
Histrionic
Anti social

they see me and they come running
Right across the room
I’m not sure why, but they do
I often relate this to my troubled childhood
Sometimes I think I’m the crazy one

Smooth, charming and seductive
Controlling, angry and unpredictable
Are they a reflection of me?
Or a mirage I am projecting and creating?

Today I woke up in the middle of this movie I’ve been making

I’m tired of it

I think it’s time to write a new script

Open Eyes
just in time to see a golden leaf
float to the ground

Open Eyes
into the darkness
behind the veil of eyelid

Open Ears
to hear the meditation bell sound
at the end of another sitting

Open Ears
to hear the teacher speak the words
that sink the deepest

Open Senses
aware that the one who is watching
may not be looking

Open Senses
to the truth that this intense feeling
is not real

Open Mind
to discover that it is so noisy in here
that there is nothing to hear

Open Mind
to the possibility of allowing no mind
to spontaneously occur

Open Heart
beating, glowing, feeling
expanding with each breath

Open Heart
allowing energy from the chest
to pour through the arms
and out into the world

You drove your way to my heart
I left the keys on the counter
You took the top down and went for a ride

Go ahead
Tell yourself that it’s time to go
Push away that which you love
Find a clever reason not to feel the intensity
Discover the truth of losing yourself in the other
Listen to voice that is drowning in the fear of your fear
Feel how scary it is the abandon your insecurities
In favor of love

Abandonment is a visitor that doesn’t come uninvited
What good does it do to tell yourself that this doesn’t matter?
It really doesn’t, does it?
In the end everything fades away
The evening sun comes home
Bowing beyond the horizon

Try to imagine yourself standing in the rain as an old person
Standing there with your lover beside you
Holding the umbrella overhead
Are we together as we?
Or are you alone and cold with big heavy bags?

Feel the beauty in this moment
This summer of love
Innocence and experience
Learning and touching
Sharing and feeling
It was supposed to be a light fling
But it surprised both of us

Now we have a lot of explaining to do
Shifting deeper into the present
Feeling the warm love of this embrace
Intertwined in ecstasy
Exploring each other with sensualist secrets
We are each others lover

No words to tell
No voice to speak
Sighs and breaths of passion
Tears of joy
Shaky legs tell all
Trembling with the after murmurs

When the time comes
We will say good bye
Pretending that we are making no promises
Precious kisses seem to last forever
But soon they will be gone
Embracing the impermanence of life
This doesn’t mean that we won’t see each other again
But let’s not drive each other crazy from afar

Remaining open to change
Not living ahead
We can enjoy the moment
The moment that is now

Frustrated in the moment knowing the hurt will come soon
I raise the stakes giving myself over fully
Choosing to surrender to this special moment
To you special woman
The soul of which I have touched
Whose soul has touched me

I thank you for your gift
The gift of you
You are beautiful
I love you
Thank you

Drifting into mutual solitude
Dancing the night away
Go ahead and drink the way you forgot how to
Steal the freedom that you gave away
but never left

When time opens up the world stands still
The speed of society shifts static
Walking between the moments is effortless
Gravity and form become translucent
Motivation and human constructs flatten
Energy and breath disappear into the unseen
And the unknowable becomes clear